Miika, I will not write about my personal experiences, because I don’t want to make this post about me, but I will share with you what I have learned about high IQ people and their life experiences. I hope this will be helpful to you as your raise your children.
People of high intelligence have a wonderful gift that comes with significant challenges. From an early age, your gifted child will usually (but not always) show an exceptional curiosity. You will be bombarded with questions that begin with “Why?” Your child might also demonstrate a more sophisticated mastery of language relative to other children their age. This, of course, will be a reflection of the vocabulary and mode of expression they are exposed to in the home.
Your child may also demonstrate at an early age an autonomous behavior that insists, “Mother, let me do it myself!” The gifted child often displays a desire to find out how to do things themselves, rather than being told how. They may also have the ability to entertain themselves for long periods of time.
When your gifted child attends school, the teachers will usually (but not always) recognize their precociousness, and may convey to your child that they are somewhat “special.” This encouragement from the teacher can reinforce your child’s belief in their own mental abilities, and further their intellectual growth.
However, it is in elementary school when gifted children meet their first challenge. These highly intelligent children often perceive the world a little differently from their classmates, and this different perspective is evident in their interests, their mode of expression and their social skills. If they differ significantly from their peers, they will be subject to bullying and social isolation. This is merely the human version of the ugly duckling allegory in which the outlier is excluded from the group. Your gifted child may suffer a loss of self-concept from this, or may discover ways to diffuse this abuse by participating in sports or other group activities.
As you child progresses through elementary and high school, they will continue to be misunderstood and are likely to struggle to understand why people sometimes react to them in hostile ways. However, as they progress into post-secondary education, their circle of friends will include other highly intelligent people with whom they will be able to connect. Their next struggle will be to find where their intelligence places them in the educational and career hierarchy, and to what vocation they might choose to dedicate their life.
From puberty and beyond, your gifted child will likely demonstrate a strong independence of mind or rebellious attitude that will be dismissive of the family’s religious beliefs and generally accepted social norms. They may also exhibit a “healthy” arrogance fostered by their belief that they are smarter than most other people. This arrogance may be a necessary disposition for those who must create new and innovative paradigms. We might say, “It ain’t pretty, but it’s pretty important.”
The final challenge facing your gifted child will be to avoid what is called “the intelligence trap,” or “Nobel’s disease,” whereby a person who is outstanding in a particular discipline makes the assumption that they are well-qualified to make pronouncements outside their field of expertise. Once this challenge is met, your child begins to acquire the humility that comes from knowing what you don’t know. With this rational habit of mine, your gifted child has taken a giant step toward the acquisition of wisdom, and the serenity of enjoyable social relationships and rewarding intellectual investigations.
This is not the trajectory of the lives of all gifted people. Many end up as carnage along the highway of life and others live with the regrets about poor decisions and squandered talent. However, with a good family environment and a reasonable portion of luck, your gifted child will enjoy a happy and fulfilling life.
