A few years ago, research was conducted on the self-esteem of students in classes that were divided into ability groups with designations, bluebirds (high level learners), robins (average level learners) and starlings (low level learners). What students do you think had the highest self-esteem?
It was found that the students of highest self esteem were not merely those in the bluebird group, but rather, those who were at the top of each group. That is, those at the bottom of the bluebird group had lower self-esteem than those who populated the top of the starling group. People compare themselves to those within their group rather than the entire population. Similarly those at the bottom of a gifted class are intimidated by the very top students. That’s why there are numerous cases of mental stress among very bright students who attend the top universities like MIT.
An example of the anguish experienced by those in the top intellectual echelon was captured in the 1997 movie Good Will Hunting. When Fields Medalist, Professor Gerald Lambeau, acknowledges that the young janitor at the University, named Will Hunting [played by Matt Damon] has superior mathematical talent, he says:
I can’t do this proof. But you can, and when it comes to that it’s only about, … it’s just a handful of people in the world who can tell the difference between you and me. But I’m one of them… Most days I wish I never met you… Because then I could sleep at night, and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge that there’s someone like you out there…
So it seems that our self-esteem and level of happiness are not dependent on our actual intelligence or socioeconomic status, but rather on our unique abilities and status relative to those with whom we associate. In your early years, the family into which you’re born, including your brothers and your parents is your community and you compare yourself and your economic status to those in your family. However, as you acquire a spouse, children, and your own circle of friends, your self-esteem will be supported by those whose share your interests. Even though you will continue to value your siblings, you will be less likely to feel envy, because you will realize that they too are embroiled in the struggle for achievement and status within their own circle of family and friends.
We humans often make the mistake of externalizing our difficulties and unhappiness, believing that if only we were more intelligent, more beautiful, more athletic or more affluent, we would be happier. However, the capacity for a substantial degree of happiness and contentment really resides within us. Our joy comes not from our possessions or absolute status, but from sharing the joys of life with those we love and who love us. It’s the way we’re hard-wired as humans. As the old song says, “It’s fun to be a genius of course, but put that old horse before the cart. First ya gotta have heart!”
